Online dating has been
the topic most focused on in the past two weeks in CAS 283 in both lab and
lecture. I believe that many people my age are torn when having to decide how
they feel about online dating. When it comes to sites such as Tinder or
Grinder, college students may think it is perfectly normal and not very similar
to a dating site whereas a site like Match.com or EHarmony would be seen as a
typical dating site. In fact, in a recent study done by the daily bruin, more
than half of Tinder’s users are college students aged 18-24. The point I am
trying to make is that people my age think they don’t use online dating when,
in fact, they do.
There are many factors that I believe have lead to this confusion
of whether a college student is using online dating or just simply doing what
everyone else is doing. One particular thing that I believe is contributing to
this phenomenon is the new commonality of friends with benefits. “Friends with
benefits” or FWB’s can be defined as two friends who engage in sexual acts
together without the intention of forming a romantic or emotional connection. As
with any other Phenomena, there are benefits and disadvantages of FWB, and
there have been studies done to better understand what it is and how much
people understand it/use it etc. In a study done by Bisson and Levine in 2007,
college students were surveyed about their experiences with having or not
having a FWB. In the study it was revealed that 58-78% of college students interviewed
had stated that they have had a friend with benefits. The attitudes that people
had about having a friend with benefits were directly linked to the individual
experiences. 81% of students who had a friend with benefits thought it was
possible whereas 67% of students who did not have a friend with benefits
thought it was impossible. It is clear that there are a wide range of opinions
surrounding the idea of having a friend with benefits. The personal struggle
for two people engaging in sexual acts while not in a relationship are that it
may only be a true FWB scenario for one person while the other person wants
something more, a person may feel as though they have a problem when they have
feelings for the other person or a person may feel as though they have a
problem if they don’t have feelings for the other person. Clearly it is a
complicated topic.
In relation to online dating, I believe this willfulness to
engage in relations with a person without the emotional support of a
relationship has made my age-group somewhat numb to the idea of what dating
really is. This is where I think the confusion comes in. Most college students
don’t believe they are online dating because we have been socially molded to
look for sex instead of a relationship. For that reason, college students won’t
think twice about using tinder while a dating website like OkCupid would be
considered too intense because it is notoriously about finding people on an
emotional level and not a sexual one. While I have never had a friend with
benefits, I have two friends that were friends with benefits for almost a year.
In the end, one friend wanted a relationship and the other was only looking for
sex. My personal opinion is that in order for a FWB scenario to work, you need
to find two people with very little outward emotion and a lot of self
confidence. Due to the fact that my self confidence is not extremely high and I
wear my heart on my sleeve, it is definitely not something that would work for
me.
The video we viewed last Friday 10/17 was extremely
interesting in showing 4 very different online dating scenarios. From the short
man, to the woman whose match lived in Prague, to the secondlife couple and
then the man who was unknowingly chatting online with the mayor, no situation
was even remotely similar to the other. I believe this was interesting because
it gives online dating more depth. In other words, it showed that even though
each relationship started similarly, no online couple acts the exact same as
another. While I have not personally used online dating thus far, the lectures
and labs in CAS 283 have opened my eyes and made me realize that it is normal
in this day and age, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
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