Blog 3 : Online Dating

Over the course of the past few weeks we have discussed online dating. In today’s day and age online dating has become all too familiar.  In fact, it has become the quintessential form of dating for some people. Online dating can be defined as the practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the internet.  From lecture, we have learned that those who use CMC are more frequently are more likely to use online dating sites. We also found that men are more committed to online dating than are women.  At some point in time we have all made a friend online, be it just a normal friendly relationship or someone that we’ve chosen to create an intimate relationship with. Even I have used social networking to build an intimate relationship with my boyfriend. 2 out of 4 of my bestfriends have used online dating sites (OkCupid and Facebook) to find their current mates that they are with.  If you go to google and type in Top10Best DatingSites.com you will come up with websites such as Zoosk, Match.com, and eHarmony, Christian Mingle, BlackPeopleMeet and even Professional Singles Over 40.com. These websites make their revenue off of connecting people online and "matching" them together.

New York Daily News wrote an article in 2013 that said that approximately 1/3 of married couples in the U.S. meet online. We are starting to accept online dating more and more as a genuine way of meeting people. Online dating provides people with a “larger pool” of potential partners to pick from than they could find in their daily lives. In lab last Friday we watched videos of people who connected from all across the world, which is easier to do when being introduced online. One woman traveled across the world to meet her online partner, whom she ended up marrying and having three children with. Online dating also provides hope to those “hopeless romantics”. Going back to the video we watched in lab, there was also a story about a woman who had turned thirty and hadn't had any children and wasn't married. She was worried that she would never find love, until she discovered online dating.People who feel like they always fail at meeting people FTF or don’t know how to interact with people FTF. Online dating allows for people to fully express themselves and get to know people better online. One article that I read on BuzzFeed.com outlines nine stories of all different type of people (gender, sexual preference, age and ethnicity) who met their lovers on different forms of online dating sites.


On another note, in lab this Friday we actually did some experiential learning with online dating. We created profiles on OkCupid.com and got to browse and see potential "matches". Me and my partner created a profile with a picture of a girl in a skimpy bikini with no profile info. Oddly enough we got about 23 profile views in that hour and some messages. They were mainly people who in their bios were looking for "short term dating" and casual sex. One guy offered to message us on KIK and add us on FaceBook. There were people some who disclosed a vast amount of information and were straight forward about themselves; such as one girl who said "I come from a fucked up family and I'm a total bitch. So message me only if you can deal with that." While on the other hand we had people who had little to no information in there profile bios at all. We saw different profiles, some we know for sure were real and some that weren't. We know those people who put more time into making their profile and selecting their pictures are more likely to take online dating serious and meet people opposed to those who don't.

While there are a host of advantages associated with online dating there are also some scary aspects of it. Deception in online dating is common. Online we lack those nonverbal communication cues that we get when we are face to face. People online lie just about anything. In class we found that some of the most lied about things were age and appearance (weight and height). Moreover, with online dating people are more likely to offer the “polished trophy” version of themselves. Maintaining anonymity online is effortless, for this reason some individuals choose to misrepresent themselves in their dating profiles. They offer their best photos and information that makes them seem more appealing to their audiences. I’m sure we have all heard of Catfish, the show that is based off people creating these online profiles claiming be looking for their “soul mates”; majority of the time they’re never the person they portrayed themselves to be, or they are simply using these profiles to scam. Moreover, the San Diego Division of the FBI released an official press article in February of 2014 about criminals who use online dating sites to scam people out of money. Dangerous people lurk online on dating sites just as they lurk in bushes outside of bars and in our gardens. In 2013, there was an article on ABC News about a woman who was suing Match.com for 10 million dollars, after the online dating service paired her with a man who stabbed her ten times in the face and chest in an attempt to kill her. She claimed in her lawsuit, that the online dating site doesn’t go far enough to warn users of potential dangers of online dating.  This is just one instance, where people who met on online dating sites were deceived. There are hundreds of stories where people weren’t as lucky, being murdered by people that they met online.  

Online dating has proven to be extremely effective in building relationships. It makes it easier to find someone who is just like you. You create profiles with information set up based on shared interest. Online dating is straight forward; you can put on your profile just looking for casual sex (as some people did on OkCupid) and don't have to go through the whole fake liking someone just for some action. While on OkCupid  I asked the question , "Do you like online dating?". The guy expressed that it was fun, allowed you to meet people from around the world and how getting tons of messages made him feel special. Most people find the fairy tale love story they’ve always wanted when meeting online. However, with online dating you have to make sure you take all the necessary precautions for your safety. Build a healthy amount of synchronous chatting before meeting. Meet in a nice public area for the first time. Don’t reveal all of your personal information at once. Online dating doesn’t come with a warning label that says “Warning: This Person May Not Be Who You Think They”. Just because you meet behind a computer/technology doesn’t mean you’re any safer than you would FTF. If you see red flags treat those red flags like a red light and STOP!!!