Deception Online

In class we spoke about deception online and offline. The relationships people have with each other, whether they are intimate or not, are impacted greatly by lies. CMC is rich in masking deception and allows people to be deceitful. I am going to share a story about a friend of mine, whose relationship was affected negatively by deception online.

My friends Jenna and Mike have been dating since sophomore year in high school. Upon graduation, Mike told Jenna he wanted to stay together even though they were going to school miles away from each other. Jenna was accepted to Temple University and Mike made his way to Arizona State.

The first year of their long distance relationship was rocky. I had suspicions that Mike was seeing another girl, but Jenna didn’t believe me. Mike seemed to be stonewalling more than usual and had little interest in the conversations they had through texting. It took until the summer after our first year in college for Jenna to find out that Mike was in fact cheating on her. Jenna was hurt and had issues with trusting Mike but they worked it out and stayed together.

Sophomore year, Mike was extremely faithful and he made it completely obvious online. He posted pictures of her on his social media sites saying he missed her, wrote her publically everyday and so on. Jenna, however, was not in the same ballgame. She told me that going into this year of college she was going to plot revenge against Mike to repay him for the hurt he had caused her. While Jenna was responding to Mike’s public messages and acknowledging the pictures he was posting of her, she was sleeping with another guy. After the year of school was over, Mike found out about Jenna cheating through text messages she was sending the other guy. Mike told Jenna he was suspicious because he had been in her position before and could tell what she was doing. Again, they worked things out and they are still together today (Junior year of college).

Looking back on the way that Mike treated Jenna the first year of college, I am able to see a difference in the way he treats her now. He isn’t as guarded, doesn’t seem as tense, and is clear with his feelings. With Jenna, she seems much more trusting of Mike and is completely committed to him.

I used this example because it has helped me decipher whether or not someone is lying online. As a third party viewer I could see what it was that Jenna and Mike were doing and saying to each other when they would lie. It is not always easy to detect a lie, but if patterns are emerging then it shows a lack of honesty. The two years that they had been cheating on each other were so easily noticed by me and their other friends. They were more negative, their lies were more complicatedly put, and their closeness was reduced. Though nonverbal cues were missing, it was still clear to tell who was cheating on whom just by the trends that were being set.

This year, however, has gone really well for both of them. Since they were both on the same sides of the spectrum, cheating and being cheated on, they are able to detect “lies” better. Ironically enough, both of they have not cheated or lied to each other thus far. I believe it is because they are afraid of getting caught, not because of their high level of commitment. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I do not believe that having a relationship online is healthy. Deceiving someone is much easier online than it is in person.